Coming Out 2.0 (Back and Gayer Than Ever)

I’m 28 years old today. I’ve spent a lot (too much) of that time being ashamed of myself. 

I took this picture in 2019 in the hopes that one day I would summon the courage to use it for this exact purpose. 

If you’re close to me (or have a pair of eyes) this post won’t come as a surprise to you. I’ve often wondered if I’d even like to come out publicly, but I think it’s important. 

I think it’s important because as a kid born in rural Oklahoma and raised in a Baptist home, I did not have any idea what it could look like to live life as a gay man.

When I finally came out to a few trusted people in my church community, they warned me to stay away from gay Christians for fear that they would lead me down the wrong path. Every example and story of gayness thrown in my face was one of drug and alcohol addiction, toxic relationships, or violence. Obviously nothing I would want. These stories caused immeasurable pain and harm.

I can’t help but think that if I had heard a story, any story, about a happy gay person, a spiritual gay person, maybe I wouldn’t have gone so far down the road of self-hatred. Maybe I would have come out before the age of 28. All of those maybes don’t really matter, but what matters is that if even one person relates to this and saves themselves from all of those maybes, coming out will have been worth it. 

I made The Oklahomas to tell my story in the hopes that it will connect with others. This website has the kind of content I wish I had access to when I was coming to terms with my sexuality. Other writers have served in that capacity for me: Jedidiah Jenkins, B.T. Harman, Justin Lee, Matthew Vines, and countless other brave individuals who have shared their stories. I’d like to add my name to that list today.